Madrasah in the morning. Duh I screwed the exams up. 50min for 2 papers/subjects? I must be a superwoman! Had zero idea about whatever I was writing. Didn't bother me one bit. All I had in mind was when am I going to die. In this world, I'm suffering emotionally. I'd rather God punish me physically when I get thrown in hell. I admit I deserve not to go to heaven considering the fact that I've sinned so much. But physical pains are better off than emotional hurt. I acknowledge the fact that I am putting all this pain in me on my own and I dare say I'm going through this on my own. Everyone's too busy for me. Of course they are. And I'm not blaming them because they're too busy for me. You know what? I sound like a fucking unappreciative bitch who just can't thank her friends for whatever that they've done but you know what's worse? This fucking bitch feels that she's thanked them enough and now that she's on her own, she deserves some credit. Unhappy about what I've just said? Come beat me up. I'm waiting for whoever who dares to come up and say it in my face that you've been through with me all these while even till now. Don't bitch behind my back. Say it to my face.
And guess what's new? I've come to realised that most of my friends only listen to one side of the story. A book has two sides for the cover. And they only listened to one and of course they'd determine what's the plot for the story based on the one-sided cover. I'm not saying their wrong. I'm partly to be blamed because I didn't tell them the other side of the story. Why am I not? Because I don't bother to. If you want to create your own plot by that one-sided cover, no one's stopping. I don't give a damn about what you think about me because you're not with me to go through this fucking mess and you'd bother to listen and change the plot? I'm not a 6-year-old, thank you.
I have zero drive to study though exams are less than 15 hours from now. And I know that if I achieve something, only I'd be happy for myself. Is there anyone out there who bothers to be happy for me? Oh please, go fuck yourself if you want to raise your hand for that.

Shoot me.


Or simply, save me.
4:56 PM